We must try to believe
by fugitivus
Summary: Kakashi rethinks his life, Obito's death and how he is left alone. But his not the only one feeling his life has just stuck and can't go on. Kakashi decided to fight for himself!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi there**. This story, first thought to be a one shot, happened to get the second chapter :) For those who liked it the way it was - sorry. But I still have something to say in this topic.

Rating: It might change. The main character: Kakashi. NO PARINGS and never expect any. As for now Sasuke plays just a small role here.

Update: Date unknown. However I plan to write some more chapters someday.

Info: Story takes place when Sandaime (the Third Hokage) was still alive and Kakashi had been training team 7 for a couple of months.

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><p>Day after day. All the same. Kakashi was looking in the mirror at a reflection of a man in his late twenties. He spotted first wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. How had he grown up and got old so quick? He remembered well him being a kid, him going on missions with teammates and the sensei. Now he himself was a sensei for a certain three. Honestly, he had never seen himself as a teacher. It was Sandaime, who gave him that role and Kakashi apathetically accepted what fate brought him.<p>

After his teammate's death, who he, to be absolutely honest, never liked much, Kakashi thought he would manage to change. And he did, but not exactly in who he wanted. Arrogant, bitter kid was finally gone, but his place took seemingly easy-going adolescent. A teenage who never wanted anything from others – didn't he overcome his problems, did he? Amiable for everyone but to no one close.  
>He abandoned the path of anger, but he couldn't find another way.<p>

Obito's passing shocked him. Woke him up. He desperately decided to do something with his half-assed live. He tried. He deluded himself. He wanted to live up to the hopes the late friend reposed in Kakashi by giving him a part of himself.

But the time slipped by and a feeling of emptiness hasn't faded. How to live a great life in a gray everydayness? At last reality had done it's own thing. It overgrew both forlorn hopes and the yawning hole in his heart. Only in the days like today – cold and cloudy, the defense walls Kakashi erected around himself would wobble.

Empty dark apartment depressed him so much. He went out to breathe a fresh evening air. His legs automatically chose well known direction – towards the cemetery, to Obito's grave.

When Kakashi passed the graveyard gate, sweet smell of burning votive candles immediately reached his nostrils. In the falling night illumination of graves looked somehow unworldly. Surely cemetery was a special space.

There was hardly any visitors. Kakashi turned into the by-lane that lead into Uchiha familial burial site. This place clearly differed from the other, quite modern, parts of the graveyard. You could see old cypress grow amongst sumptuous tombstones from the years of clan's brilliance. But the place also carried the evidences of decay. Ravenous nature had gained its reign over the burial site and only fresh flowers on tombs gave away that somebody actually was coming here regularly.

Kakashi stood over Obito's grave and as always tortured himself with his thoughts. Why did his life made such turn? Why he even bother coming here? Is it he felt guilt? Obligation to pay respect to the deceased?

Hatake was left alone. Minato-sensei not long after the accident became Hokage so he couldn't spent time with them. Kakashi understood. Rin gave up being a ninja and moved out from the village, whereas he flung himself into work to prove himself worth of Obito's gift. He took the most dangerous missions, he made impossible possible while in ANBU. Or was it he just sought death, oblivion, absolution? Whatever his true motives were finally he was left alone. Everyone else somehow sorted out their lives. He understood.

_But why, for goodness sake, it hurts so much? He's got everything, He achieved everything but still he felt like he's nothing. Obito, it's so easy to be gone, don't you admit that? Sensei, it was easy for you to leave us, wasn't it? Only because I didn't cry over my pathetic live, only because I tried to be strong? Aaaghhh!_

_Yet again I'll come here to swear to you Obito I will do something with my life. And when I visit you for the next time, you'll ask me if everything's okay. I'll only shrug my shoulders and put a smile on my face. After all another failure is what I accustomed to._

Icy gust of wind sobered him up from a trance. His shoulders were shaking from anger but he quickly suppressed emotions. _It's useless., I can want, I can strive. I can as well cry over myself Whatever I do it won't change anything._ He made his way to the exit.

While he was maneuvering between tombstones he heard quiet sobs. Soon enough he spotted a small figure sitting motionlessly beside a grave. Only one person was coming regularly to this part of the graveyard. Kakashi couldn't be wrong.

At the sound of somebody's footsteps move closer Uchiha Sasuke stood up, quickly wiped his face with a hand and turn toward visitor. Of course he pretended he hadn't just lost his self-control.

Sensei couldn't help but smile bitterly under his mask. How many times had he seen such behavior? Really, it was a peace of cake to see through his pupil. But even now didn't he, Kakashi himself acted to be easy-going, blasé teacher in front of his team?

"What are you doing here? It's already dark" said Kakashi.

"I could ask you the same. However I was just about to leave." _Yeah, sure, kid_

Together they reached the main alley and continue walking without a word. Both in gloomy thoughts.

Sasuke first broke the silence.

"I often see you at Obito's grave". There was no sarcasm nor arrogance in the statement.

"Yep. You also visit them often."

It took the raven a moment to decide whether to go on with this topic.

"It's already five years… But I feel like just a moment ago… they were here." It wasn't supposed to be a complaint - it was rather stating a fact, almost funny fact of how one's mind works.

Kakashi was silence. What could he really tell the boy? That it's better to forget, that it's hurts less then? Or come up with a fairy tale of how his parents are looking at him from above?

"Sometimes it all feels just so meaningless…" Sasuke added in seemingly casual tone. He wouldn't manage to dig into the topic more. Besides what right did he have to bother others with his private news.

Kakashi after a moment of hesitation put a hand on Sasuke' head. He felt a tiny bond of understatement between them. Stupid petty thing, but it made him feel a little better. Boy didn't reacted, just accepted fleeting touch.

"Maybe it is actually meaningless" Jounin said honestly. "I don't know, I don't see it clearly now. But what options are left for us? Try our best. Believe we're not truly alone… that our lives do have sense."

They reached the gate from where each one should go his separate way. They stood in silence as if the presence of another person allowed them to fight off the demons of darkness.

Kakashi even let himself believe that maybe their relation is something more than shallow acquaintanceship out of necessity.

„Come with me. It's cold. Let's drink a tea at my place" without a second thought he came up with shy proposition.

„You mean now?" Uchiha was almost back in his amour of sarcasm.

"Yes, now"

Surprisingly Sasuke didn't raise any protest nor ask any question but follow his sensei. He also tried to believe that Kakashi didn't care of him only out of duty.

In such a cold bleak evening being alone would be the worst.

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><p>Thank you for reading. Feedback appreciated.<p> 


	2. Today

So here we go with the next chapter. It's pretty different from the previous one, but you now, the life goes on. Even though one day you might be feeling down, there's always hope tomorrow will brighten up.

OK, I hope the story would speak for itself.

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><p>6.00<p>

Early morning silence was cut sharply by the alarm clock. Radio screamed in strong voice an old song 'I want to change, I want to keep changing…' Kakashi pulled out a hand from warm sheets and switched off the damned thing. He sighted with relieve when the room was again overwhelmed by silence. He rubbed the eyes. He felt as if itchy sand gathered under his eyelids. Obvious sign that the night was too short.

The daylight was already sinking in through curtains; it was still cold and shy. It seemed today's going to be, in contrary to yesterday, a beautiful day.

Yesterday. Recklessly he opened the path to memories of the previous day. He had succumbed to his weakness. He had given up and was carried away by depressive thoughts. Recently, more and more often he has been undergoing such moments like that, when everything appeared meaningless. Just without any reasonable cause he was tortured by anxieties and doubts.

He dug himself deeper in the sheets and let himself take a nap for another 10 minutes. Kakashi is a ninja. He was taught to fight. So he will fight for himself.

7.12

Shit. He overslept. At 7:00 o'clock he had made an appointment with team 7. He planned to be only half an hour later, but at this rate he might not manage to get on time (his time, to be exact). He jumped of the bed, and dashed to the bathroom. 10 minutes for washing, 5 for dressing up, he will only catch something to eat and be off in no time.

When he ran into the kitchen, putting on his green jounin vest, his eyes stopped at the table under the window. There were two bowls and two mugs there, still dirty from the previous night usage. Traces of yesterday night brought unintentional smile on the man's face. Who could have ever guessed the raven boy has also a delicate, sociable side of personality. And sense of humor. Really, Sasuke is a riddle to him, a one which solving out brings him a lot of satisfaction.

Kakashi just shrugged his arm seeing all the mess around the kitchen and put the kettle on fire. While he was waiting for water to boil he packed his bag. He took some weapons ant two volumes of Icha Icha – indispensable to survive another boring training session.

The water bubbled, he made a coffee and instantly sipped the drink…

_Aughgh, my toungue!_

Kitchen clock stroke half past seven. Oh no! He just got scalded and now he's already late. He truly tried to be on time, ok? But now it's to late, it's no sense hurrying anymore.

Angry with himself he sat comfortably in a armchair. As a punishment for his irresponsible behavior he decided to take his time. Maybe when he is terribly late he would finally understand how bad as a sensei he is. He 's going to tastes the bitter coffee and cookies while team 7 waits. Then he will get what he deserved - furious scolding from the kids. Yes that's right, maybe it would teach him a lesson not to be late the next time. Oh, today is Friday – That's mean there's a new chapter of his favorite manga! So he will just quickly step out to a store. Hurray!

9.03

„Ssen.. sei. What the… how… late… we wait…" being so pissed off that he couldn't clearly talk, blond-haired kid ran up to Kakashi as soon as sensei showed up in his range of vision.

"Yo, Naruto!"

"Don't 'yo' me!. Just tell m..me what kept you so long. We've been waiting here from 7 o'clock."

"Sensei!", another irritated eyes, this time the green ones, gave him hostile welcome. Naruto and Sakura demanding explanations were all around him.

Jounin looked above their heads at his third student, who was nonchalantly sitting on the nearest bench. The raven was observing their noisy group with half-open eyes. With half-open black-ringed eyes, actually. He slowly stood up and approached his team.

"Kakashi", he said instead of greetings "let's go training."

_Oh, so today we act all arrogant and cool._ Well well, at Kakashi's place he behaved quite different. No wonder that kid was getting on everybody's nerves. But not his sensei, not anymore. Today when he could clearly see through his pupil, it was no more than a foolish childish act Sasuke put off to protect himself.

After yesterday talk, Hatake was certain they created a tiny bond of mutual understatement – a bond between two people carrying the burden of a loss. He was glad of it. He also found it make him happy that the boy opened up to him, even if it was just a little bit. As for now the things between them were nothing special, nothing strong, but a petite thought there's somebody who trust him enough to share their problems with, gave him a boost of confidence.

„Hey, how about a nice 'hello' for your sensei, Sasuke?', he gave the boy warm smile, the only sign of which was the eye turning into an arc. He wanted to show that yesterday wasn't just a moment of their weakness, that the boy can still depend on him and he would offer comfort and help in the time of need. He gently laid a hand on Sasuke shoulder. Under the touch Uchiha's body tensed up in surprise, but in the end friendly gesture was accepted.

"Hello" murmured raven.

What? Kakashi couldn't believe his eyes. The boy's pale face now blushed slightly. Was it because that little remark of his? Uchiha blushing? Unbelievable. Maybe he was only imagining things as all the morning his thoughts was running around the boy.

"OK, so let's go to the training fields" ordered jounin. He spun on his heel and pushed lightly Sakura and Naruto in the direction. Sasuke followed.

They went down the street and headed outside the city center. Hectares of forests spread around the Konoha. There were shinobi facilities, training centers and what most important – plenty of free space, where they could polish they skills without disturbing the citizens. They passed others teams, many people waved and wished them good day. Two jounins, they came upon near the gate, happened to be Kakashi old acquaintances (or Hatake should just called them friends). Jin and Kame, as those were their names, brightened up at the sight of the silver-headed man. They didn't see each other for a month so jounins were probably trying to talked Kakashi to death while using that rare occasion of unexpected meeting. Team 7 finally managed to escape after Kakashi gave his solemn promise to go for a drink with the two jounins.

Hey, Kakashi, he talked to himself_, it seems your life is a far cry from total wreck, as you thought yesterday. Look, that's your home, a place where you belong. You have friends and people, who respect you. A team of genins, who depend on you. You protect them and care for them. You're not alone, even when sometimes you think it's not true. Don't you ever dare to doubt in yourself!_

If Kakashi Hatake didn't wear his mask, people who saw him would be surprised at how beautiful a smile of true joy could be.

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><p>See you. R&amp;R<p> 


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